There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
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Here are the corrections:
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Original: There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation.
Corrected: There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation.
Explanation: "Things that were required" is wordy and unnatural. "Requirements" is a more concise and appropriate term. "To take" was changed to "for taking" to improve readability. -
Original: Two days ago, it snowed all day.
Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
Explanation: This sentence is grammatically correct. -
Original: My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center.
Corrected: My mom and I went to three banks and the community center.
Explanation: Numbers below 10 should generally be written in words in formal writing. -
Original: The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended.
Corrected: The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended.
Explanation: "Where I attended" is incorrect because "attended" already implies a place. "The elementary school I attended" is correct. Also, a comma is needed after "The next day" for better readability. -
Original: But the person in charge of documents was on vacation.
Corrected: However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation.
Explanation: "But" at the beginning of a sentence is too informal. "However" is a better choice. "In charge of documents" sounds unnatural; "in charge of handling documents" is clearer. -
Original: It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents.
Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
Explanation: This sentence is already correct and clear. -
Original: Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
Corrected: Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.
Explanation: "All ready" is not incorrect, but "fully prepared" sounds more natural in a formal context. "Have to" was changed to "need to" for a slightly more formal tone.
Revised Text
There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to three banks and the community center. The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended. However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.
