영작교정
목록
완료

My diary on sunday

I got a perm and got a clinc for hair. My son and husband went to play soccer and public bath house during I was staying at salon.From 5 years before when I whashed hair I used to my hair fallen out and hair has been doing get damaged. I needed to changed hairstlye and get a clinic. I had healing time alone comfortably. And I was relaxed. After afternoon we met then went to popular restraunt. I was refresh and comfortable days.

I got a perm and got a clinc for hair. My son and husband went to play soccer and public bath house during I was staying at salon.From 5 years before when I whashed hair I used to my hair fallen out and hair has been doing get damaged. I needed to changed hairstlye and get a clinic. I had healing time alone comfortably. And I was relaxed. After afternoon we met then went to popular restraunt. I was refresh and comfortable days.

=========================================================================================================================================

HERE ARE THE CORRECTIONS:

  1. Original: I got a perm and got a clinc for hair.
    Corrected: I got a perm and a hair treatment.
    Explanation: The word "clinic" is not used in this context. "Hair treatment" is the correct term.

  2. Original: My son and husband went to play soccer and public bath house during I was staying at salon.
    Corrected: My son and husband went to play soccer and to a public bathhouse while I was at the salon.
    Explanation: "During" should be "while" to indicate the simultaneous actions. "Public bath house" should be "public bathhouse." The sentence structure was also revised for clarity.

  3. Original: From 5 years before when I whashed hair I used to my hair fallen out and hair has been doing get damaged.
    Corrected: For the past five years, when I washed my hair, it used to fall out and become damaged.
    Explanation: "From 5 years before" is corrected to "For the past five years." "Whashed" should be "washed." The phrase "I used to my hair fallen out" was incorrect; it should be "it used to fall out." The phrase "hair has been doing get damaged" was also incorrect; it should be "and become damaged."

  4. Original: I needed to changed hairstlye and get a clinic.
    Corrected: I needed to change my hairstyle and get a treatment.
    Explanation: "Needed to changed" should be "needed to change" (present tense for the infinitive verb). "Clinic" should be replaced with "treatment."

  5. Original: I had healing time alone comfortably.
    Corrected: I had some relaxing time alone.
    Explanation: "Healing time alone comfortably" was awkward; "relaxing time alone" is more natural.

  6. Original: And I was relaxed.
    Corrected: I felt relaxed.
    Explanation: "I was relaxed" can work, but "I felt relaxed" is more natural in this context.

  7. Original: After afternoon we met then went to popular restraunt.
    Corrected: In the afternoon, we met and then went to a popular restaurant.
    Explanation: "After afternoon" should be "In the afternoon." The word "restraunt" is misspelled; it should be "restaurant." The sentence structure was also slightly revised for clarity.

  8. Original: I was refresh and comfortable days.
    Corrected: I felt refreshed and had a comfortable day.
    Explanation: "Was refresh" should be "felt refreshed." "Comfortable days" should be "a comfortable day" to match the singular context.


Final Version:

I got a perm and a hair treatment. My son and husband went to play soccer and to a public bathhouse while I was at the salon. For the past five years, when I washed my hair, it used to fall out and become damaged. I needed to change my hairstyle and get a treatment. I had some relaxing time alone and felt refreshed. In the afternoon, we met and then went to a popular restaurant. It was a refreshing and comfortable day.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 12주
튜터
Anna
교재
New+ Get Up to Speed Situational 1
[시니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
596
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Sooooooorry~
Lim daedoo
Cindy
2018.02.09
595
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] Hello, I'm Cindy.
kim Gyung Hee
-
2018.02.08
594
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] 22nd writing
Paul
Charm
2018.02.07
593
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] end of life care
Joon
Cindy
2018.02.07
592
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Ethical concern
Joon
Cindy
2018.02.07
591
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Q2
shin junghwan
Cindy
2018.02.06
590
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] 20th writing
Paul
Charm
2018.02.01
589
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] concert
shin junghwan
Cindy
2018.01.31
588
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] 16th writing
Paul
Charm
2018.01.23
587
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] 11th writing
Paul
Charm
2018.01.12
586
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 10th writing
Paul
Charm
2018.01.09
585
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 영작교정 1
Jamie Park
-
2017.11.17
584
완료
[17번째 영작 첨삭] writing #7
-
-
2017.11.12
583
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] writing #6
-
-
2017.11.12
582
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] writing #5
-
-
2017.11.12
581
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] writing #4
Anna
-
2017.11.11
580
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] writing #3
Anna
-
2017.11.11
579
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] writing#2
Anna
-
2017.11.11
578
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] writing #1
Anna
-
2017.11.11
577
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] sos opic
TED
-
2017.11.09

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침