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just story

Once opon a time, there was a girl named Lilley. She was an artist. She had black long hair. She put it up by tying it to a bun. One day, she recieved a letter from "de a la loug Paris". It was said like this "Please come to our grand opening. your sincerely de a la loug."
She was very happy. So she came to the grand opening. She was talking with the arther artist Whne. She saw a thief trying to steal the art. So She caught the thief and lived happily ever after.

     Once opon a time, there was a girl named Lilley. She was an artist. She has a long black hair. She put it up by tying it to a bun. One day, she recieved a letter from "de a la loug Paris". Written on the letter was,  "Please come to our grand opening. Sincerely yours, de a la loug."
     She was very happy, so she came to the grand opening. She was talking with the other artist, Whne. She saw a thief trying to steal the art, so she caught the thief and lived happily ever after.

Hello, Rena! 

       I like the story, but I think it will be better if you can add more details to it. Anyway, I have some corrections I made on your story. For adjectives we follow a rule for the right sequence. You wrote, black long hair, it should be "a long black hair:. Size should be written first before the color. Also, when you use conjunctions, for example "so", you don't have to make another sentence, because conjunctions are used to connect to sentences together in one sentence. Just use a comma (,) before the conjunction. Despite of these corrections, you are still able to write a good story. Great job! 

 


수강정보
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