영작교정
목록
완료

8/18

Last Friday, my parents and I went to the mountain stream, which is our go-to place. This place is always popular for all ages in my town. But we were surprised because the terrain has changed too much artificially. The stream was gone, filled with sand, so I couldn't swim at all. Also, the valley restaurant was demolished partially because the law is getting changed and strong. What a shame. We had cup ramen at the restaurant and splashed around. The water was clean and cold as ever.

Last Friday, my parents and I went to the mountain stream, which is our go-to place. This place is always popular for all ages in my town. But we were surprised because the terrain has changed too much artificially. The stream was gone, filled with sand, so I couldn't swim at all. Also, the valley restaurant was demolished partially because the law is getting changed and strong. What a shame. We had cup ramen at the restaurant and splashed around. The water was clean and cold as ever.
=====================================================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:


Original:
Last Friday, my parents and I went to the mountain stream, which is our go-to place.
Corrected: Last Friday, my parents and I went to the mountain stream, which is our favorite place to visit.
Why? "Go-to place" is okay in casual speech, but “favorite place to visit” is clearer and more natural in writing.


Original:
This place is always popular for all ages in my town.
Corrected: This place is always popular with people of all ages in my town.
Why? We say "popular with people" not "popular for." Adding “people of all ages” makes the meaning clearer.


Original:
But we were surprised because the terrain has changed too much artificially.
Corrected: But we were surprised because the terrain had changed too much due to human construction.
Why? Use “had changed” to match past tense. “Artificially” sounds unnatural here — better to say “due to human construction” or “because of man-made changes.”


Original:
The stream was gone, filled with sand, so I couldn't swim at all.
Corrected: The stream was gone and filled with sand, so I couldn’t swim at all.
Why? Just added “and” for better flow and grammar.


Original:
Also, the valley restaurant was demolished partially because the law is getting changed and strong.
Corrected: Also, the valley restaurant was partly demolished because the law has become stricter.
Why? “Partly demolished” is the correct phrase. "The law is getting changed and strong" is incorrect — better to say “the law has become stricter.”


Original:
What a shame.
Corrected:What a shame. (No changes needed!)
Why? This is a natural expression and it's used correctly here.


Original:
We had cup ramen at the restaurant and splashed around.
Corrected: We had cup ramen near the restaurant and splashed around.
Why? If the restaurant was partly demolished, it's more likely you ate nearby, not inside.


Original:
The water was clean and cold as ever.
Corrected:The water was clean and cold as ever. (No changes needed!)
Why? This sentence is great—clear and natural.


Final Edited Version:

Last Friday, my parents and I went to the mountain stream, which is our favorite place to visit. This place is always popular with people of all ages in my town. But we were surprised because the terrain had changed too much due to human construction. The stream was gone and filled with sand, so I couldn’t swim at all. Also, the valley restaurant was partly demolished because the law has become stricter. What a shame. We had cup ramen near the restaurant and splashed around. The water was clean and cold as ever.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 20분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 4
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
7360
완료
[20번째 영작 첨삭] Grandparents
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.03
7359
완료
[53번째 영작 첨삭] homework
Liam
Shyla
2025.09.03
7358
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] I'm looking forward our class!
조성향
Edleth
2025.09.03
7357
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] Skate
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.02
7356
완료
[83번째 영작 첨삭] Let's save earth
David
Crissia
2025.09.02
7355
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] my birthday
Joe
Maecy
2025.09.01
7354
완료
[18번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7353
완료
[17번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7352
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7351
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7350
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7349
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7348
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7347
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7346
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7345
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7344
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7343
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7342
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] 홍지아
Jiah
Myryl
2025.09.01
7341
완료
[52번째 영작 첨삭] homework
Liam
Shyla
2025.09.01
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침