영작교정
목록
완료

Free School Lunches

I think students must have free school lunches because there could be some unfairness and problems that connected to economy and business.First there could be unfairness because some families can not afford it and that is vey unfair to students that can not eat lunches because they can’t afford it. Also, actually school is for students education it’s not personal business so there actually no reasons that schools need offer to pay. From these reasons I think we should have free lunches.

I think students must have free school lunches because there could be some unfairness and problems that connected to economy and business.First there could be unfairness because some families can not afford it and that is vey unfair to students that can not eat lunches because they can’t afford it. Also, actually school is for students education it’s not personal business so there actually no reasons that schools need offer to pay. From these reasons I think we should have free lunches.

 

Revised Argument:

I believe students should have free school lunches because it would prevent unfairness and address issues related to the economy and business.

First, there could be unfairness because some families cannot afford lunch, which makes it unfair to students who go without because of financial difficulties.

Additionally, schools are meant for education, not for personal business. There’s no reason why students should have to pay for lunch at school.

For these reasons, I think we should have free lunches for all students.


Corrections Made:

  1. "must" → "should" (more appropriate for suggestion).

  2. "there could be unfairness" → "it would prevent unfairness" (clarification).

  3. "some families can not afford it" → "some families cannot afford lunch" (clarification and grammar).

  4. "that is vey unfair" → "which makes it unfair" (grammar and clarity).

  5. "school is for students education" → "schools are meant for education" (grammar correction).

  6. "it’s not personal business so there actually no reasons that schools need offer to pay" → "not for personal business. There’s no reason why students should have to pay for lunch" (simplified and clarified).

  7. Reorganized and streamlined the conclusion.


수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 25분 4주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 1
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
636
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] I really appreciate your help, Charm
JUHUI
-
2018.04.03
635
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Teacher Tell me if it's wrong.
SONG EUNSUN
-
2018.04.02
634
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] How God was able to help you during difficult times?
Yumi Park
-
2018.04.02
633
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] What have you sacrificed for your children?
Yumi Park
-
2018.04.02
632
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Beef stake for dinner
Terry
-
2018.03.30
631
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Everyone dies at the end. So do I.
Terry
-
2018.03.30
630
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] 교정부탁드립니다
SUJIN
-
2018.03.28
629
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Departure
Terry
-
2018.03.28
628
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] 3/27 영작교정 부탁드려요 ㅎ
SUJIN
-
2018.03.27
627
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Daily note 3/26
LilLy
-
2018.03.27
626
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] You know you need to stand up again.
Terry
-
2018.03.26
625
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 부탁드립니다.
SUJIN
-
2018.03.26
624
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 요청드립니다.
SUJIN
-
2018.03.26
623
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 부탁드려요~
SUJIN
-
2018.03.26
622
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 요청드립니다
SUJIN
-
2018.03.26
621
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Rinse with baking soda for the environment!
Terry
-
2018.03.25
620
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Goodmorning essay
Terry
-
2018.03.25
619
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] dictation- i could only written the techer's voice out of our class
Yang Joo Hyun
-
2018.03.23
618
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] If
soo
-
2018.03.23
617
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Talent
soo
-
2018.03.22

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침