영작교정
목록
완료

2/14

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
==================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:

  1. Original: There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Corrected: There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Explanation: "Things that were required" is wordy and unnatural. "Requirements" is a more concise and appropriate term. "To take" was changed to "for taking" to improve readability.

  2. Original: Two days ago, it snowed all day.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is grammatically correct.

  3. Original: My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center.
    Corrected: My mom and I went to three banks and the community center.
    Explanation: Numbers below 10 should generally be written in words in formal writing.

  4. Original: The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended.
    Corrected: The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended.
    Explanation: "Where I attended" is incorrect because "attended" already implies a place. "The elementary school I attended" is correct. Also, a comma is needed after "The next day" for better readability.

  5. Original: But the person in charge of documents was on vacation.
    Corrected: However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation.
    Explanation: "But" at the beginning of a sentence is too informal. "However" is a better choice. "In charge of documents" sounds unnatural; "in charge of handling documents" is clearer.

  6. Original: It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is already correct and clear.

  7. Original: Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
    Corrected: Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.
    Explanation: "All ready" is not incorrect, but "fully prepared" sounds more natural in a formal context. "Have to" was changed to "need to" for a slightly more formal tone.


Revised Text

There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to three banks and the community center. The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended. However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 4
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
4059
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Start for new week
miranda
-
2023.02.06
4058
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Let me tell you my
Julie
South
2023.02.06
4057
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Thank for independentistas!
kim ye jin
-
2023.02.06
4056
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] 23.2.5
Yu juri
Shyla
2023.02.05
4055
완료
[34번째 영작 첨삭] Liky's bath time
Chloe
-
2023.02.05
4054
완료
[25번째 영작 첨삭] 2.4 Saturday
Rose
Therese"☎
2023.02.05
4053
완료
[24번째 영작 첨삭] 2.3 Thursday
Rose
Therese"☎
2023.02.05
4052
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] My eyes
Yoon
Anna
2023.02.04
4051
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body2
-
TJ#
2023.02.04
4050
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body3
-
TJ#
2023.02.04
4049
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body)
J
TJ#
2023.02.04
4048
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] writing for presentation(intro
J
TJ#
2023.02.04
4047
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] diary
Harry Do
Rhiad
2023.02.03
4046
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Coinx Game
Jiah
Cris
2023.02.03
4045
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] At the buffet
Aiden
Herrchie
2023.02.03
4044
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] 23.02.03
Yu juri
Shyla
2023.02.03
4043
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] English interview 5
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.03
4042
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] English interview 4
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.03
4041
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Lotte World is very funny!
kimyeram
Joel
2023.02.03
4040
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Edward loved Ellie
jung ha youn
Yumi
2023.02.02

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침