영작교정
목록
완료

2/14

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
==================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:

  1. Original: There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Corrected: There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Explanation: "Things that were required" is wordy and unnatural. "Requirements" is a more concise and appropriate term. "To take" was changed to "for taking" to improve readability.

  2. Original: Two days ago, it snowed all day.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is grammatically correct.

  3. Original: My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center.
    Corrected: My mom and I went to three banks and the community center.
    Explanation: Numbers below 10 should generally be written in words in formal writing.

  4. Original: The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended.
    Corrected: The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended.
    Explanation: "Where I attended" is incorrect because "attended" already implies a place. "The elementary school I attended" is correct. Also, a comma is needed after "The next day" for better readability.

  5. Original: But the person in charge of documents was on vacation.
    Corrected: However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation.
    Explanation: "But" at the beginning of a sentence is too informal. "However" is a better choice. "In charge of documents" sounds unnatural; "in charge of handling documents" is clearer.

  6. Original: It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is already correct and clear.

  7. Original: Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
    Corrected: Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.
    Explanation: "All ready" is not incorrect, but "fully prepared" sounds more natural in a formal context. "Have to" was changed to "need to" for a slightly more formal tone.


Revised Text

There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to three banks and the community center. The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended. However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 4
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
4099
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] happyyyyyyyyy day
NIEL
Kimmy
2023.02.13
4098
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] cook
jin
-
2023.02.12
4097
완료
[36번째 영작 첨삭] Ride Viking 2
Chloe
-
2023.02.12
4096
완료
[35번째 영작 첨삭] Ride Viking
Chloe
-
2023.02.12
4095
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] My future dream.
Renish~"MWF
2023.02.12
4094
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] My dream
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.11
4093
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] I am going to tell you
Julie
South
2023.02.10
4092
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Today
SOOJIN
Eloisa#9/20
2023.02.10
4091
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] My diary
Elena
Herrchie
2023.02.10
4090
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] Marimba,sound
-
Jana
2023.02.09
4089
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] 23.02.09
Yu juri
Shyla
2023.02.09
4088
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] sauna
jin
-
2023.02.09
4087
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Bella became a great writer
jung ha youn
Yumi
2023.02.09
4086
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] hello I'm Jessica
jessica
-
2023.02.09
4085
접수
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Hi nari
-
-
2023.02.09
4084
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] My experience in china 1
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.09
4083
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] Value? Worth??
Yoon
Anna
2023.02.09
4082
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Making a cookie! ?
kim ye jin
-
2023.02.09
4081
완료
[27번째 영작 첨삭] Sorry, Teacher!
Richard
Jana
2023.02.09
4080
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] I got through journey.
David
-
2023.02.08

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침