영작교정
목록
완료

1

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

_____________________________________________

Corrected Version

I think fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Here’s why: First, showing calorie information could hurt sales. Many people are sensitive to calories and may be shocked by how many calories are in the food. They may choose not to eat anything and leave the restaurant. If this keeps happening, fast food restaurants could lose money and even close down.

Suggestions to Make it Stronger

  1. Add facts or research: You could include studies or examples that show how showing calorie counts hurt sales. For example, “A study found that restaurants with calorie counts saw a drop in customers by [X]%."

  2. Talk about choices: Mention that people already know fast food is high in calories and should be able to make their own decisions.

  3. Acknowledge the other side: You could briefly mention that calorie counts might help some people but then explain how it can hurt businesses.

_________________________________

Here’s a stronger version with these ideas:

Stronger Version for Debate
I believe fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Studies show that when calorie information is displayed, people are often shocked by the high numbers. Many customers, especially those who care about calories, may leave without buying anything. This could cause restaurants to lose money and even close down. People already know fast food can be high in calories, so they should be free to enjoy their meal without being reminded of it.

Let me know if you need anything else!


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 5회 10분 24주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 2
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
4059
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Start for new week
miranda
-
2023.02.06
4058
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Let me tell you my
Julie
South
2023.02.06
4057
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Thank for independentistas!
kim ye jin
-
2023.02.06
4056
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] 23.2.5
Yu juri
Shyla
2023.02.05
4055
완료
[34번째 영작 첨삭] Liky's bath time
Chloe
-
2023.02.05
4054
완료
[25번째 영작 첨삭] 2.4 Saturday
Rose
Therese"☎
2023.02.05
4053
완료
[24번째 영작 첨삭] 2.3 Thursday
Rose
Therese"☎
2023.02.05
4052
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] My eyes
Yoon
Anna
2023.02.04
4051
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body2
-
TJ#
2023.02.04
4050
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body3
-
TJ#
2023.02.04
4049
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Writing for presentation(body)
J
TJ#
2023.02.04
4048
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] writing for presentation(intro
J
TJ#
2023.02.04
4047
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] diary
Harry Do
Rhiad
2023.02.03
4046
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Coinx Game
Jiah
Cris
2023.02.03
4045
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] At the buffet
Aiden
Herrchie
2023.02.03
4044
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] 23.02.03
Yu juri
Shyla
2023.02.03
4043
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] English interview 5
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.03
4042
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] English interview 4
Joshep park
Charm
2023.02.03
4041
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Lotte World is very funny!
kimyeram
Joel
2023.02.03
4040
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Edward loved Ellie
jung ha youn
Yumi
2023.02.02

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침