영작교정
목록
완료

8/13-1

I went to an indoor zoo and experienced various things, like feeding and touching the animals. It was lucky that there were not many people, so I could have it almost to myself. For the first time in my life, I also saw and heard a parrot talking. It was really cute and amazing. After that, we moved to the hair salon, and then I got my hair cut, and my mom dyed her hair. We met my dad and went home together, but they were still filming a drama very near our house.

I went to an indoor zoo and experienced various things, like feeding and touching the animals. It was lucky that there were not many people, so I could have it almost to myself. For the first time in my life, I also saw and heard a parrot talking. It was really cute and amazing. After that, we moved to the hair salon, and then I got my hair cut, and my mom dyed her hair. We met my dad and went home together, but they were still filming a drama very near our house.

Corrections and Explanations:

  1. "I went to an indoor zoo and experienced various things, like feeding and touching the animals."

    • Changed to: "I visited an indoor zoo and had the opportunity to experience various activities, such as feeding and petting the animals."
    • Explanation: "Visited" is a more precise verb, and "had the opportunity to experience" gives the sentence a smoother flow. "Petting" is a more specific term than "touching" when referring to animals.
  2. "It was lucky that there were not many people, so I could have it almost to myself."

    • Changed to: "Fortunately, there weren't many people there, so I almost had the place to myself."
    • Explanation: "Fortunately" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea of luck. "The place" is clearer than "it" in this context.
  3. "For the first time in my life, I also saw and heard a parrot talking."

    • Changed to: "For the first time in my life, I saw and heard a parrot talking."
    • Explanation: Removed "also" because it's not necessary here and simplifies the sentence.
  4. "It was really cute and amazing."

    • Changed to: "It was truly cute and amazing."
    • Explanation: "Truly" is a slightly more formal word choice than "really."
  5. "After that, we moved to the hair salon, and then I got my hair cut, and my mom dyed her hair."

    • Changed to: "Afterward, we went to a hair salon where I got a haircut, and my mom had her hair dyed."
    • Explanation: "Afterward" is a smoother transition, and "went to" is more direct. "Got a haircut" and "had her hair dyed" are clearer and more natural phrases.
  6. "We met my dad and went home together, but they were still filming a drama very near our house."

    • Changed to: "We later met up with my dad and headed home together, but they were still filming a drama very close to our house."
    • Explanation: "Met up with" and "headed home" are more natural expressions. "Very close" is slightly more precise than "very near."
REVISED TEXT:

I visited an indoor zoo and had the opportunity to experience various activities, such as feeding and petting the animals. Fortunately, there weren't many people there, so I almost had the place to myself. For the first time in my life, I saw and heard a parrot talking. It was truly cute and amazing. Afterward, we went to a hair salon where I got a haircut, and my mom had her hair dyed. We later met up with my dad and headed home together, but they were still filming a drama very close to our house.

수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 3
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
96
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] self-introduction
Mandy
-
2015.03.12
95
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] hi~!
j-hyung
-
2015.03.12
94
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Why might some people become unhappy with their careers?
-
-
2015.03.11
93
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] lesson 5 example 1
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.11
92
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] lesson5 example-2
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.11
91
완료
[21번째 영작 첨삭] Finding ring through social media.
clair
-
2015.03.11
90
완료
[20번째 영작 첨삭] Tombs are ruined at jewish public burial ground.
clair
-
2015.03.11
89
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] GOOD TIME
gwak min suk
-
2015.03.11
88
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Todya's lessons
Lauren
-
2015.03.11
87
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Meeting with other sites' coworkers
Jinny
-
2015.03.10
86
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] net neutrality
clair
-
2015.03.10
85
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 150309 my diary.
CHOINHO
-
2015.03.10
84
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] request
sangyou, cho
-
2015.03.09
83
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] How did you get here today?
Lauren
-
2015.03.09
82
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Request
sangyou, cho
-
2015.03.09
81
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] lesson 4 example -4
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.08
80
완료
[18번째 영작 첨삭] Hackers
clair
-
2015.03.07
79
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Today's dinner
Jinny
-
2015.03.05
78
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Request
sangyou, cho
-
2015.03.05
77
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] lesson 4-3
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.03

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침