I want to save a money more. Because I wanted to buy a pramodel and color paper.
I like to make pramodel and I like to do origami.
So my goal is to save 22000 won.
I will try to save money.
I like to make models, and I like to do origami. Today, I have 4,400 won. I want to save more money. I wanted to buy a model and color paper, so my goal is to save 22,000 won. I will try to save money.
Hello, David! As you can see, I changed the order of the sentences. That is because when we write paragraphs like this, the ideas need to flow well into each other so we start here by saying what you like to do then telling about how much money you have then after that your plans on saving money. This way makes the whole idea be understood in an easier and more pleasant way.
Good luck in saving, David! You can do it! Saving for what you want to have instead of always asking from your parents is a very good thing to do. You're a good boy!
안녕하세요, 데이비드! 보시다시피, 문장의 순서를 바꿨습니다. 왜냐하면 우리가 이렇게 단락을 쓸 때, 생각이 서로 잘 흘러야 하기 때문에 여기서부터 여러분이 무엇을 하고 싶은지 말하고 나서 여러분이 돈을 저축할 계획을 말하는 것으로 시작합니다. 이렇게 하면 전체 생각이 더 쉽고 즐거운 방식으로 이해될 수 있습니다.
저축에 행운을 빌어요, 데이비드! 여러분은 할 수 있어요! 부모님께 항상 부탁하는 대신 여러분이 갖고 싶은 것을 위해 저축하는 것은 매우 좋은 일이에요. 당신은 착한 소년이에요!
- Teacher Rainbow ^_^
