영작교정
목록
완료

I have a big plan.

I have a big plan!
If all goes well,I will have a green card in four years.
I plan to have a green card.
To this, there are so many things to do.
First of all, I have to get a master's degree and write at least two papers.
I should attend training related to my major and prepare proof materials that can help American society.
I have been working in IT. My main career is S/W engineering.
For example I have been managed quality of S/W in Robot,Health care system and so on.
These my career and various experiences are helpful to get a green card.

The reason to get a green card is for my daughter.
In Korea, the competition for education is terrible.
Korean students have to study a lot of time to enter the famous(good) university.
They become to be tired of study and even hate it.
they don't study for their dream but also to enter the university.
It's very wasteful both teenager and their parents.

I hope my daughter studies in a more flexible society that gives her more opportunities.
If I get a green card,she can stay to study in U.S.A.
I will make steady efforts for it.
Pleas wish me luck.

              I have a big plan! I plan to have a green card. If all goes well, I will have it in four years. Through this, there are a lot of things that I can do. First of all, I have to get a master's degree and write atleast two papers. I should attend trainings related to my major and prepare proof materials that can help American society. 

              I have been working in IT and my main career is S/W Engineering. For example, I manage quality of S/W in Robotics, Health Care System and so on. These are some of my experiences in my career that are going to be helpful to have a green card.

             The reason why I want to have a green card is for my daughter. In Korea, the competition for education is terrible. Korean students have to study hard to enter famous or good university. They get tired studying and they even start hating it. They don't only study for their dreams, but also to be able to enter the university. It's a waste for both teenagers and their parents. 

            I hope that my daughter studies in a more flexible society. that will give her more opportunities. If I have a green card, she can stay and study in the USA and I will make efforts for it to happen. Please wish me luck.

---------------------------------------------

            Hello! Your plan is really nice and I hope that you can a green card for your daughter's future. Education system in really different from other countries and I admire you for not pressuring your daughter to study hard, instead you want her to enjoy life which is really good for her. As she studies, you also want her to have time for herself and enjoy life. I wish you luck for your green card application.

            With regards to your writing, you have describle clearly, however you need to sequence your sentences( arrange your sentences), so the reader won't be confused with what you want them to know or understand. Please see the corrections I have made on your writing.

 

- KATH 

 


수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 30분 4주
교재
Let's Go 1 (5th edition)
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
7434
접수
[12번째 영작 첨삭] Bye.. baby guppies
Hyang
Edleth
2025.10.02
7433
접수
[2번째 영작 첨삭] The real recorded meeting
Bella
Gie
2025.10.02
7432
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] homework
Cindy
Anabelle
2025.10.01
7431
완료
[60번째 영작 첨삭] homework
Liam
Shyla
2025.10.01
7430
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] Golden holiday
Hyang
Edleth
2025.10.01
7429
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] last class
Selly
Pau
2025.09.30
7428
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] The jobless me actually enjoys Mondays!
Hyang
Edleth
2025.09.30
7427
완료
[59번째 영작 첨삭] homework
Liam
Shyla
2025.09.29
7426
완료
[87번째 영작 첨삭] I love suwon.
David
Crissia
2025.09.29
7425
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] The first day of my work
Bella
Gie
2025.09.29
7424
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] Buy cycle 2
Terry
Vivien
2025.09.28
7423
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] Buy cycle
Terry
Vivien
2025.09.28
7422
완료
[28번째 영작 첨삭] Night Market
kim bo min
Joel
2025.09.27
7421
완료
[27번째 영작 첨삭] Night Market
kim bo min
Joel
2025.09.27
7420
완료
[62번째 영작 첨삭] I want this app.
JiHu
Gresha
2025.09.27
7419
완료
[61번째 영작 첨삭] I want to create an app
JiHu
Gresha
2025.09.27
7418
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Go to the bakery.
Jay
Sarah
2025.09.26
7417
완료
[86번째 영작 첨삭] 9/23
Min
Anna
2025.09.26
7416
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] I watched a movie titled ’No other choice’.
Hyang
Edleth
2025.09.25
7415
완료
[58번째 영작 첨삭] very cute Liam's homework
Liam
Shyla
2025.09.24
1 2 3 4 5 6 7

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침