I went to the hair salon ahead of the Chuseok holiday. As soon as I opened the door, a small brown puppy greeted us, wagging her tail. Still young, she was incredibly curious, and her teeth were ticklish, so she put this and that in her mouth and bit into it. Her name was unusual: it meant the numbers one and five, pronounced "일오 [il-o]" in Korean. The appearance was unique because it was a poodle-retriever mixed-breed dog. She looked like a poodle with a small face and body and curly brown hair. Her back had somewhat wavy curls and white hair on the belly, and the shape of the tail gave her the appearance of a retriever. Her characteristic was also people-liking. It was so cute to see her getting sleepy after playing for a while. It was sudden, but I was amazed and elated to meet 15.
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Here are the corrections:
1. Original: I went to the hair salon ahead of the Chuseok holiday.
Corrected: ✅ I went to the hair salon before the Chuseok holiday.
Explanation: "Ahead of" is okay, but "before" is simpler and more natural.
2. Original: As soon as I opened the door, a small brown puppy greeted us, wagging her tail.
Corrected: ✅ (No change needed!)
Explanation: This sentence is great as it is!
3. Original: Still young, she was incredibly curious, and her teeth were ticklish, so she put this and that in her mouth and bit into it.
Corrected: ✅ She was still young and incredibly curious. Because her teeth were ticklish, she put all sorts of things in her mouth and bit them.
Explanation: "Ticklish teeth" is not a natural English phrase. Also, “this and that” is okay, but “all sorts of things” sounds clearer.
4. Original: Her name was unusual: it meant the numbers one and five, pronounced "일오 [il-o]" in Korean.
Corrected: ✅ Her name was unusual - it meant the numbers one and five, pronounced "일오 [il-o]" in Korean.
Explanation: Replaced the colon with a dash to make it more natural in this type of sentence.
5. Original: The appearance was unique because it was a poodle-retriever mixed-breed dog.
Corrected: ✅ Her appearance was unique because she was a poodle-retriever mix.
Explanation: Use "Her appearance" instead of "The appearance," and "mix" is more natural than "mixed-breed dog" in casual writing.
6. Original: She looked like a poodle with a small face and body and curly brown hair.
Corrected: ✅ She looked like a poodle, with a small face, a small body, and curly brown fur.
Explanation: Dogs have "fur" not "hair." Also added a comma for clarity and repeated “small” for smoother flow.
7. Original: Her back had somewhat wavy curls and white hair on the belly, and the shape of the tail gave her the appearance of a retriever.
Corrected: ✅ She had wavy curls on her back, white fur on her belly, and a tail shaped like a retriever’s.
Explanation: Simplified and restructured the sentence for clarity. Again, changed “hair” to “fur.”
8. Original: Her characteristic was also people-liking.
Corrected: ✅ She also loved people.
Explanation: “People-liking” is not a natural phrase. “She loved people” is simple and clear.
9. Original: It was so cute to see her getting sleepy after playing for a while.
Corrected: ✅ It was so cute to see her get sleepy after playing for a while.
Explanation: “Get sleepy” is more natural than “getting sleepy” in this sentence.
10. Original: It was sudden, but I was amazed and elated to meet 15.
Corrected: ✅ It was unexpected, but I was amazed and happy to meet Il-O (15).
Explanation: "Sudden" isn’t wrong, but "unexpected" is more natural here. Also, "elated" is a strong word - “happy” is simpler and fits the tone better.
Final Edited Text
I went to the hair salon before the Chuseok holiday. As soon as I opened the door, a small brown puppy greeted us, wagging her tail. She was still young and incredibly curious. Because her teeth were ticklish, she put all sorts of things in her mouth and bit them. Her name was unusual - it meant the numbers one and five, pronounced "일오 [il-o]" in Korean. Her appearance was unique because she was a poodle-retriever mix. She looked like a poodle, with a small face, a small body, and curly brown fur. She had wavy curls on her back, white fur on her belly, and a tail shaped like a retriever’s. She also loved people. It was so cute to see her get sleepy after playing for a while. It was unexpected, but I was amazed and happy to meet Il-O (15).
Message:
Hi Min! You did a great job describing your experience clearly and with a lot of detail! Your writing shows good effort, and you used many interesting words. Just keep working on sentence structure and word choice to make your ideas even easier to understand. Keep practicing - you’re improving well!
