영작교정
목록
완료

9/11

I wanted to be a scientist or a farmer since I was six years old. I'm curious about many things. I like to learn and experience on my own. I think I'm already a farmer because I've planted rice in the field, and I've sown and grown various vegetables in the garden when I was a child.
However, these days, the temperature fluctuates a lot throughout the day. Because of that, I have had a sinus cold for four days. Sometimes I took some rock salt and rested when I was suffering from a stuffy nose.

I wanted to be a scientist or a farmer since I was six years old. I'm curious about many things. I like to learn and experience on my own. I think I'm already a farmer because I've planted rice in the field, and I've sown and grown various vegetables in the garden when I was a child.
However, these days, the temperature fluctuates a lot throughout the day. Because of that, I have had a sinus cold for four days. Sometimes I took some rock salt and rested when I was suffering from a stuffy nose.
=====================================================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:


Original:
I wanted to be a scientist or a farmer since I was six years old.
Corrected:
I have wanted to be a scientist or a farmer since I was six years old.
Explanation:
Use the present perfect tense ("have wanted") when talking about something that started in the past and continues to the present.


Original:
I'm curious about many things.
Corrected:
I'm curious about many things.
Explanation:
No correction needed — this sentence is clear and correct.


Original:
I like to learn and experience on my own.
Corrected:
I like to learn and try things on my own.
Explanation:
“Experience” is a noun. Here, you need a verb → “try” fits better with “learn.”


Original:
I think I'm already a farmer because I've planted rice in the field, and I've sown and grown various vegetables in the garden when I was a child.
Corrected:
I think I'm already a farmer because I planted rice in the field and grew various vegetables in the garden when I was a child.
Explanation:
Mixing present perfect ("I’ve planted") with past time markers ("when I was a child") is incorrect. Use simple past for actions that are clearly in the past.


Original:
However, these days, the temperature fluctuates a lot throughout the day.
Corrected:
These days, the temperature fluctuates a lot throughout the day.
Explanation:
“However” is not necessary here unless you’re contrasting it with a previous idea. Removing it makes the sentence smoother.


Original:
Because of that, I have had a sinus cold for four days.
Corrected:
Because of that, I’ve had a sinus cold for four days.
Explanation:
Contraction ("I’ve") is more natural in informal writing. The sentence is otherwise correct.


Original:
Sometimes I took some rock salt and rested when I was suffering from a stuffy nose.
Corrected:
Sometimes I took rock salt and rested when I had a stuffy nose.
Explanation:

  • “Some” is not needed before "rock salt" here.

  • “Suffering from” is formal. “Had a stuffy nose” is simpler and more natural.


Final Edited Version:

I have wanted to be a scientist or a farmer since I was six years old. I'm curious about many things. I like to learn and try things on my own. I think I'm already a farmer because I planted rice in the field and grew various vegetables in the garden when I was a child. These days, the temperature fluctuates a lot throughout the day. Because of that, I’ve had a sinus cold for four days. Sometimes I took rock salt and rested when I had a stuffy nose.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 20분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 4
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
120
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] What do you think are the most important aspects of this job?
-
-
2015.03.28
119
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] hi~
deanna
-
2015.03.27
118
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Which do you prefer, teaching in a city or in the countryside?
-
-
2015.03.25
117
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Tell in detail about an experience where you helped somebody.
-
-
2015.03.25
116
완료
[25번째 영작 첨삭] -The American Rodeo popular players-
clair
-
2015.03.25
115
접수
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 참석 불가능
song yong won
-
2015.03.25
114
완료
[24번째 영작 첨삭] Over 16 million dollars in 2015 Academy award's gift bag.
clair
-
2015.03.25
113
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Hi Charm ! :)
Victoria Jeong
Charm
2015.03.25
112
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Todays`s class
-
-
2015.03.25
111
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] ISSUE 1
Jin
-
2015.03.24
110
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] hi
deanna
-
2015.03.23
109
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] lesson6 example-2
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.21
108
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] European countries are sharing Information to reinforce after France terror.
clair
-
2015.03.21
107
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] lesson 6 example.-1
lee hye eun
-
2015.03.21
106
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] Request
sangyou, cho
-
2015.03.20
105
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] hello
stella
Charm
2015.03.20
104
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] hello
KIM YU HEE
-
2015.03.20
103
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] Request
sangyou, cho
-
2015.03.19
102
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] interview practice
-
Charm
2015.03.18
101
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] hello.
stella
Charm
2015.03.17

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침