영작교정
목록
완료

diary

last sataurday we held on my son's birthday party with his friends, many friends came home than I expected. I thought the boy who an upper grade in elementary might eaten more so I ordered delivery pizza and chicken and so on. But I seemed that they could't see some food. they was having fun with game so they didn't even eat more. leftover was on my dinner. they played game with the phone during a lot of time. I allow him especially for his party. It was scorching so they continued eating, playing game, whatching move in all afternoon. I was fine if my son was happy.

last sataurday we held on my son's birthday party with his friends, many friends came home than I expected. I thought the boy who an upper grade in elementary might eaten more so I ordered delivery pizza and chicken and so on. But I seemed that they could't see some food. they was having fun with game so they didn't even eat more. leftover was on my dinner. they played game with the phone during a lot of time. I allow him especially for his party. It was scorching so they continued eating, playing game, whatching move in all afternoon. I was fine if my son was happy.
====================================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:

  1. Original: last sataurday we held on my son's birthday party with his friends,
    Corrected: Last Saturday, we held my son's birthday party with his friends.
    Explanation: Capitalize “Last Saturday”; “held on” is incorrect—just use “held” with “party”.

  2. Original: many friends came home than I expected.
    Corrected: More friends came over than I expected.
    Explanation: “More friends” is the correct comparative form; “came home” should be “came over”.

  3. Original: I thought the boy who an upper grade in elementary might eaten more
    Corrected: I thought the older boys from upper elementary grades would eat more.
    Explanation: Use “older boys” for clarity; “might eaten” is incorrect—use “would eat”.

  4. Original: so I ordered delivery pizza and chicken and so on.
    Corrected: So, I ordered delivery pizza, chicken, and more.
    Explanation: “And so on” is vague—“and more” sounds more natural.

  5. Original: But I seemed that they could't see some food.
    Corrected: But it seemed like they didn’t even notice the food.
    Explanation: “I seemed” → “It seemed”; “couldn’t see” → “didn’t notice” for natural phrasing.

  6. Original: they was having fun with game so they didn't even eat more.
    Corrected: They were having fun with games, so they didn’t eat much.
    Explanation: “they was” → “they were”; “game” → “games”; “eat more” → “eat much”.

  7. Original: leftover was on my dinner.
    Corrected: I ate the leftovers for dinner.
    Explanation: Clear sentence structure with subject-verb-object order.

  8. Original: they played game with the phone during a lot of time.
    Corrected: They played games on their phones for a long time.
    Explanation: “game” → “games”; “with the phone” → “on their phones”; “during a lot of time” → “for a long time”.

  9. Original: I allow him especially for his party.
    Corrected: I allowed him, especially because it was his party.
    Explanation: Verb tense correction (allow → allowed); added clarity.

  10. Original: It was scorching so they continued eating, playing game, whatching move in all afternoon.
    Corrected: It was scorching, so they stayed inside eating, playing games, and watching a movie all afternoon.
    Explanation: Verb corrections (“game” → “games”, “whatching move” → “watching a movie”); improved flow.

  11. Original: I was fine if my son was happy.
    Corrected: I didn’t mind, as long as my son was happy.
    Explanation: More natural and idiomatic phrasing.


Final Edited Text:

Last Saturday, we held my son's birthday party with his friends. More friends came over than I expected. I thought the older boys from upper elementary grades would eat more, so I ordered delivery pizza, chicken, and more. But it seemed like they didn’t even notice the food. They were having fun with games, so they didn’t eat much. I ate the leftovers for dinner. They played games on their phones for a long time. I allowed him, especially because it was his party. It was scorching, so they stayed inside eating, playing games, and watching a movie all afternoon. I didn’t mind, as long as my son was happy.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 4주
튜터
Anna
교재
New+ Get Up to Speed Situational 2
[시니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
6096
완료
[131번째 영작 첨삭] Watching movie
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.23
6095
완료
[130번째 영작 첨삭] Buy the bike
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.23
6094
완료
[129번째 영작 첨삭] Riding bike
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.23
6093
완료
[117번째 영작 첨삭] Retirement plan
Rachel
Bel
2024.06.21
6092
완료
[30번째 영작 첨삭] usually
sopia
-
2024.06.21
6091
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My opinon for riding electric scooter
이진아
Joel
2024.06.21
6090
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Related to work
Leeny
Rachel
2024.06.20
6089
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] I want to be a warm creater
Stella
Bowen
2024.06.20
6088
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Today class
함가은
Edleth
2024.06.20
6087
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] A heat wave principle
Elizabeth
Heather
2024.06.20
6086
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] A heat wave principle
Elizabeth
Heather
2024.06.20
6085
완료
[65번째 영작 첨삭] Inside out 2!
doi
Anabelle
2024.06.19
6084
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Today
Sharon
Starla
2024.06.18
6083
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] summer and winter
wendy
MJ
2024.06.18
6082
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] Hi, Maribel~
김혜진
Maribel
2024.06.18
6081
완료
[161번째 영작 첨삭] Screen baseball
Aiden
Aya
2024.06.17
6080
완료
[128번째 영작 첨삭] Playing video game
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.16
6079
완료
[127번째 영작 첨삭] Playing golf
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.16
6078
완료
[126번째 영작 첨삭] Watching soccer match
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.16
6077
완료
[125번째 영작 첨삭] My mom's birthday
Oliver
Frans
2024.06.16

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침