영작교정
목록
완료

2

Lastly, some people think that teenagers should be able to do what they want like plastic surgery, but that’s not really true. Surely, we can’t invade their freedom, but we also have our authority to prevent them from doing plastic surgery . For example, when I am adult and my children says that they want to do plastic surgery, I have the authority to stop them from doing plastic surgery. Because of these reasons, I think teenagers should not do plastic surgery.

Lastly, some people think that teenagers should be able to do what they want like plastic surgery, but that’s not really true. Surely, we can’t invade their freedom, but we also have our authority to prevent them from doing plastic surgery . For example, when I am adult and my children says that they want to do plastic surgery, I have the authority to stop them from doing plastic surgery. Because of these reasons, I think teenagers should not do plastic surgery.

 

CORRECTION:
 
I think teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to get plastic surgery, and here’s why. First, it costs too much money. For example, even just getting a nose job can cost more than $50. If someone gets full facial surgery, it could cost over $300. Second, teenagers are not mature enough to make such serious decisions. For instance, when they see someone who looks very attractive, they might want to look like them and rush into getting surgery without thinking it through. Lastly, some people argue that teenagers should be free to do what they want, including plastic surgery. While we should respect their freedom, adults also have the responsibility to guide and protect them. For example, if I’m an adult and my child wants plastic surgery, I believe I have the right to stop them for their own good. For these reasons, I believe teenagers should not get plastic surgery.
 
________________
 
Corrections and Why:
 
Grammar and punctuation: You had issues like "firstly" (can just say "First") and a comma used as a period ("Secondly.,"). These were cleaned for proper writing.
 
Word choice: "Nose plastic surgery" → "nose job" or "getting a nose job" sounds more natural. "Entirely" → "full facial surgery" is clearer.
 
Clarity and logic: Some parts needed smoother explanations, like “we also have our authority” was unclear. It’s better to say “adults have the responsibility to guide.”

수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 3회 10분 24주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 3
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
4839
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] great day
June
Alfer
2023.07.16
4838
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite sport
Ryan
Cindy
2023.07.16
4837
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite food
Ryan
Cindy
2023.07.15
4836
완료
[31번째 영작 첨삭] two ways that we could help.
Rachel
-
2023.07.14
4835
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] ..
sopia
Jeany
2023.07.14
4834
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Fun CIass
sopia
Jeany
2023.07.14
4833
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Good evening~~
sopia
Jeany
2023.07.14
4832
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] I hurt my knee ?
아멜리아
-
2023.07.14
4831
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] I eat chicken ?
아멜리아
-
2023.07.14
4830
완료
[139번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 14
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4829
완료
[138번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 13
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4828
완료
[137번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 12
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4827
완료
[136번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 11
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4826
완료
[135번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 10
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4825
완료
[134번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 09
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4824
완료
[133번째 영작 첨삭] RAIN - 08
Aileen
-
2023.07.13
4823
완료
[35번째 영작 첨삭] petit nicolas
joshua
-
2023.07.13
4822
완료
[34번째 영작 첨삭] yesterday
aiden
-
2023.07.13
4821
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] Counseling
Young mi
-
2023.07.12
4820
완료
[33번째 영작 첨삭] VIOlin
Christina
Mary Grace
2023.07.12

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침