영작교정
목록
완료

Diary

Our family and my father's relatives gathered their ancestor grave. We had a memorial service before but the elder got rid of that. Because mother is getting ages and it's hard to prepare for it. So we move into the charnel house instead memorial service. we get a pay regularly then get service take care of our area. After I got married I didn't goto there with my parents often. I met relatives with my son for the first time in a long time. And my parents liked to doing together

Our family and my father's relatives gathered their ancestor grave. We had a memorial service before but the elder got rid of that. Because mother is getting ages and it's hard to prepare for it. So we move into the charnel house instead memorial service. we get a pay regularly then get service take care of our area. After I got married I didn't goto there with my parents often. I met relatives with my son for the first time in a long time. And my parents liked to doing together
======================================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:

  1. Original:
    Our family and my father's relatives gathered their ancestor grave.
    Corrected:
    Our family and my father's relatives gathered at their ancestors' grave.
    Explanation:

    • Use “gathered at” to indicate a location.

    • “Ancestor” should be plural possessive “ancestors’” to show it’s the grave belonging to multiple ancestors.

  2. Original:
    We had a memorial service before but the elder got rid of that.
    Corrected:
    We used to have a memorial service, but the elder decided to stop it.
    Explanation:

    • “Used to” is more natural for a past habit.

    • “Got rid of that” is too informal; “decided to stop it” sounds clearer and more respectful.

  3. Original:
    Because mother is getting ages and it's hard to prepare for it.
    Corrected:
    This is because my mother is getting older, and it’s hard to prepare for it.
    Explanation:

    • “Getting ages” is incorrect. Use “getting older.”

    • A full sentence requires a subject, so “This is because…” completes the idea.

  4. Original:
    So we move into the charnel house instead memorial service.
    Corrected:
    So we moved the remains to a charnel house instead of holding a memorial service.
    Explanation:

    • Use past tense “moved.”

    • “Instead of holding” explains the replacement.

    • “Move into” is not suitable for remains; clarify the action.

  5. Original:
    we get a pay regularly then get service take care of our area.
    Corrected:
    We pay regularly for a service that takes care of our area.
    Explanation:

    • “Get a pay” is incorrect; use “pay for.”

    • Clarify the meaning with “a service that takes care of.”

  6. Original:
    After I got married I didn't goto there with my parents often.
    Corrected:
    After I got married, I didn’t go there with my parents often.
    Explanation:

    • “Goto” should be two words: “go to.”

    • Add a comma after “married” for clarity.

  7. Original:
    I met relatives with my son for the first time in a long time.
    Corrected:
    I met my relatives with my son for the first time in a long time.
    Explanation:

    • Add “my” before “relatives” to make the sentence more specific.

  8. Original:
    And my parents liked to doing together
    Corrected:
    My parents enjoyed doing it together.
    Explanation:

    • “Liked to doing” is incorrect; use “enjoyed doing.”

    • “It” refers back to the visit or gathering.


Final Edited Version:

Our family and my father's relatives gathered at their ancestors' grave. We used to have a memorial service, but the elder decided to stop it. This is because my mother is getting older, and it’s hard to prepare for it. So we moved the remains to a charnel house instead of holding a memorial service. We pay regularly for a service that takes care of our area. After I got married, I didn’t go there with my parents often. I met my relatives with my son for the first time in a long time, and my parents enjoyed doing it together.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 4주
튜터
Anna
교재
New+ Get Up to Speed Situational 2
[시니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
2279
완료
[128번째 영작 첨삭] script-Role Play
sukyung Kim
Melissa
2021.08.29
2278
완료
[127번째 영작 첨삭] script-Housing
sukyung Kim
Melissa
2021.08.29
2277
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] play
kim seong hun
Shyla
2021.08.28
2276
완료
[17번째 영작 첨삭] 15_Wind took my shirt away_082721
Billie
Joel
2021.08.28
2275
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] My special Lego Dinosaur
lahee
-
2021.08.27
2274
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] Field Day
Ariel
-
2021.08.27
2273
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] My diary5
Seong si woo
-
2021.08.27
2272
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] 14_Doing laundry_082621
Billie
Joel
2021.08.27
2271
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] 13_Horrible flood_082521
Billie
Joel
2021.08.26
2270
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] My diary4
Seong si woo
-
2021.08.25
2269
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] 12_Invest in stocks_082421
Billie
Joel
2021.08.25
2268
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] dairy
Nora
-
2021.08.24
2267
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] My diary3
Seong si woo
-
2021.08.23
2266
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] NO 'No kids zone'
Leo
-
2021.08.22
2265
완료
[126번째 영작 첨삭] script-Housing
sukyung Kim
Melissa
2021.08.22
2264
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] please fix this.
Hailey
Anna
2021.08.21
2263
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] 11_Trying to let it go_082021
Billie
Joel
2021.08.21
2262
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My'diary2
Seong si woo
-
2021.08.20
2261
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] 10_Have my car repaired_081921
Billie
Joel
2021.08.20
2260
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] 09_Visiting toronto premium outlet_081821
Billie
Joel
2021.08.19

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침