영작교정
목록
완료

Card games

I think card games shouldn’t be banned in school. First of all, it can be very beneficial to students for their educations. However, some people can say, “How can games be helpful to students, it’s nonsense!” For example, chess is a type of game, but we should use our knowledge to win the game. To explain, our memorization or practical strategy. To conclude, I think school should allow students to play general games in school because it can be an advantage for students.

I think card games shouldn’t be banned in school. First of all, it can be very beneficial to students for their educations. However, some people can say, “How can games be helpful to students, it’s nonsense!” For example, chess is a type of game, but we should use our knowledge to win the game. To explain, our memorization or practical strategy. To conclude, I think school should allow students to play general games in school because it can be an advantage for students.

 

CORRECTION: 

I believe card games shouldn't be banned in schools. First of all, they can be very beneficial for students' education. Some might argue, "How can games be helpful to students? That’s nonsense!" However, consider chess as an example, it's a type of game that requires us to use our knowledge to win. This involves memorization and strategic thinking. In conclusion, I believe schools should allow students to play games because they can provide valuable learning opportunities.

Explanation for the mistakes:

  1. "I think" was changed to "I believe" for a more formal tone.

  2. "can be very beneficial to students for their educations" was simplified to "can be very beneficial for students' education" for clarity.

  3. The sentence "some people can say" was changed to "some might argue" for a more natural expression.

  4. "To explain" was replaced with "This involves" for smoother connection to the example.

  5. "general games" was changed to "games" for simplicity.


수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 25분 4주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 1
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
1576
접수
[24번째 영작 첨삭] the movie
Charles
-
2020.12.17
1575
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] dear diary
Joshua
-
2020.12.17
1574
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] movie
Irene
-
2020.12.17
1573
완료
[27번째 영작 첨삭] Move
Ruby
-
2020.12.17
1572
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] MOVIE
Claude
-
2020.12.17
1571
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] Tv
Tony
-
2020.12.16
1570
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Diary
Kevin
-
2020.12.16
1569
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] Movie
Victoria
-
2020.12.16
1568
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] Movie
Ella
-
2020.12.16
1567
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] watch movie
Henry
-
2020.12.16
1566
완료
[33번째 영작 첨삭] Dear diary
Christina
-
2020.12.16
1565
완료
[37번째 영작 첨삭] My movie
Sunny
-
2020.12.16
1564
완료
[25번째 영작 첨삭] Blackpanther
Logan
-
2020.12.16
1563
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] Watch movie
Eric
-
2020.12.16
1562
접수
[28번째 영작 첨삭] Motivation letter.
Yejin Choi
-
2020.12.15
1561
접수
[27번째 영작 첨삭] Essay4
Yejin Choi
-
2020.12.15
1560
접수
[26번째 영작 첨삭] Essay2
Yejin Choi
-
2020.12.15
1559
접수
[25번째 영작 첨삭] Essay3
Yejin Choi
-
2020.12.15
1558
접수
[24번째 영작 첨삭] Essay
Yejin Choi
-
2020.12.15
1557
완료
[64번째 영작 첨삭] my diary
sukyung Kim
-
2020.12.14

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침