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Teacher! Do you have a SNS account? My mom wants to know. She use facebook and instagram.
Facebook ID: Miri Lee
Lastly, some people think SNS sites help children make new friends, but this is not really true. Surely they can make friends, but as I just said, it can rather cause a cyber bullying.
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Teacher! Do you have a SNS account? My mom wants to know. She use facebook and instagram.
Facebook ID: Miri Lee
Corrected version:
I believe children shouldn’t be allowed to use social media, and here’s why.
First, children can be hurt by cyberbullying. For example, if person A writes bad comments to person B, B could become very sad or depressed.
Second, children might see harmful videos, like fighting or violent videos, on social media. They should only watch these videos with an adult present, or if an adult allows them.
Lastly, some people think social media helps children make friends, but this isn’t always true. While it’s possible to make friends, it can also lead to cyberbullying.
Explanation of mistakes:
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"shoulde" should be "should" (misspelling).
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"SNS site" is more commonly referred to as "social media" or "social networking sites" for clarity.
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"adult is with them or adults allowed them" is awkward. A better way is "only with an adult present or if an adult allows them."
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Instead of "cause a cyber bullying", it should be "cause cyberbullying" (no article needed).
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A few word changes for clearer meaning and flow (e.g., "children can get hurt" to "children can be hurt").
