영작교정
목록
완료

Physical Education

I believe that students need physical education classes because students need to have different experience than just seating more than ten hours in school snd learning boring things.On the other hand, some people can say that schools are for studying not exercising. However, when we keep studying without any exercising our brain can be explored by all the boring informations and not be able to learn new things. From this reason I think we need P.E class and P.E class is a most important class and it shouldn’t be missed.

I believe that students need physical education classes because students need to have different experience than just seating more than ten hours in school snd learning boring things.On the other hand, some people can say that schools are for studying not exercising. However, when we keep studying without any exercising our brain can be explored by all the boring informations and not be able to learn new things. From this reason I think we need P.E class and P.E class is a most important class and it shouldn’t be missed.

 

Corrected Argument:
 
I believe that students need physical education classes because they should have different experiences than just sitting for more than ten hours in school, learning boring things. On the other hand, some people may argue that schools are for studying, not exercising. However, when we study without exercising, our brains can become overwhelmed with all the boring information, making it harder to learn new things. For this reason, I think P.E. is one of the most important classes and should never be missed.
 
___________________
 
Explanation of Corrections:
 
"seating" → "sitting": "Seating" refers to the act of providing seats, while "sitting" refers to the act of being seated.
 
"more than ten hours in school" → "sitting for more than ten hours in school": Added "sitting for" to make the sentence clearer.
 
"some people can say" → "some people may argue": "May argue" sounds more formal and appropriate in this context.
 
"brain can be explored by all the boring informations" → "our brains can become overwhelmed with all the boring information": "Explored" doesn’t fit here; "overwhelmed" better conveys the idea of being mentally burdened. Also, "informations" is incorrect; "information" is uncountable.
 
"P.E class is a most important class" → "P.E. is one of the most important classes": Rephrased for clarity and accuracy.
 

수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 25분 4주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 1
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
213
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My presentation oral description 2
Youngtae
-
2015.06.03
212
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] My presentation oral description 1
Youngtae
-
2015.06.03
211
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Questions.
KOKANGMIN
-
2015.06.03
210
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Please review!
Sora Yang
-
2015.06.02
209
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] my work
jiyeon lee
-
2015.06.02
208
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Thuseday
RYU
-
2015.06.02
207
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] resolution of June
pepper
-
2015.06.02
206
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Monday
RYU
-
2015.06.01
205
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] writing correction
Shelle
Charm
2015.05.30
204
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Questions!!
KOKANGMIN
-
2015.05.29
203
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] The good experience when I spent time in Japan.
Stella
-
2015.05.29
202
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Today's diary
min
-
2015.05.29
201
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Do you think that English will completely dominate all the other languages in the future?
sunny
-
2015.05.28
200
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] if i win lotte
jiyeon lee
-
2015.05.28
199
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] fighting
RYU
-
2015.05.28
198
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 20150527 (110)
Jane
-
2015.05.27
197
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 2nd class, Questions
Stella
-
2015.05.27
196
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] How did English change your life?
sunny
-
2015.05.26
195
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 부탁드립니다
Younghyun Kim
-
2015.05.25
194
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 교정 부탁드립니다!
Younghyun Kim
-
2015.05.25

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침