영작교정
목록
완료

Physical Education

I believe that students need physical education classes because students need to have different experience than just seating more than ten hours in school snd learning boring things.On the other hand, some people can say that schools are for studying not exercising. However, when we keep studying without any exercising our brain can be explored by all the boring informations and not be able to learn new things. From this reason I think we need P.E class and P.E class is a most important class and it shouldn’t be missed.

I believe that students need physical education classes because students need to have different experience than just seating more than ten hours in school snd learning boring things.On the other hand, some people can say that schools are for studying not exercising. However, when we keep studying without any exercising our brain can be explored by all the boring informations and not be able to learn new things. From this reason I think we need P.E class and P.E class is a most important class and it shouldn’t be missed.

 

Corrected Argument:
 
I believe that students need physical education classes because they should have different experiences than just sitting for more than ten hours in school, learning boring things. On the other hand, some people may argue that schools are for studying, not exercising. However, when we study without exercising, our brains can become overwhelmed with all the boring information, making it harder to learn new things. For this reason, I think P.E. is one of the most important classes and should never be missed.
 
___________________
 
Explanation of Corrections:
 
"seating" → "sitting": "Seating" refers to the act of providing seats, while "sitting" refers to the act of being seated.
 
"more than ten hours in school" → "sitting for more than ten hours in school": Added "sitting for" to make the sentence clearer.
 
"some people can say" → "some people may argue": "May argue" sounds more formal and appropriate in this context.
 
"brain can be explored by all the boring informations" → "our brains can become overwhelmed with all the boring information": "Explored" doesn’t fit here; "overwhelmed" better conveys the idea of being mentally burdened. Also, "informations" is incorrect; "information" is uncountable.
 
"P.E class is a most important class" → "P.E. is one of the most important classes": Rephrased for clarity and accuracy.
 

수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 25분 4주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 1
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
1136
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] good day
Lee name eun
-
2020.06.17
1135
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Nintendo Swich
Jun Seo
-
2020.06.17
1134
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Nintendo Switch in dinner
Huyn Seo
-
2020.06.17
1133
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] eat Shabu shabu
Lee gi seop
-
2020.06.16
1132
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] Spring
-
-
2020.06.16
1131
접수
[14번째 영작 첨삭] Worries.
Yejin Choi
-
2020.06.15
1130
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] go school ②
Lee gi seop
-
2020.06.15
1129
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] Entertainer
Ruby
-
2020.06.15
1128
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] Return to school
Ruby
-
2020.06.15
1127
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Going back to the school
Tony
-
2020.06.15
1126
완료
[20번째 영작 첨삭] when l was young
Christina
-
2020.06.15
1125
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] my sister
Christina
-
2020.06.15
1124
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] My best friend
Lucy
-
2020.06.15
1123
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] my diary
sukyung Kim
-
2020.06.14
1122
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] eat meat
Lee gi seop
-
2020.06.12
1121
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] Flight.
Yejin Choi
-
2020.06.12
1120
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My best friend
1
-
2020.06.12
1119
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] Changes.
Yejin Choi
-
2020.06.11
1118
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] eat gimbap
Lee gi seop
-
2020.06.11
1117
접수
[2번째 영작 첨삭] word
Lee name eun
-
2020.06.11

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침