영작교정
목록
완료

Sollary is the most important

I think money is most important and here's why.
Fiirst, money makes our life comfortable. For example, when we earn a lot of money, we will be able to do anything we want and that will help us be happy.
Secondly, our son and daughters can live well. For example, when I got $1 million by working, and die, my son and daughter will live happily by these money.

I think money is most important and here's why.
Fiirst, money makes our life comfortable. For example, when we earn a lot of money, we will be able to do anything we want and that will help us be happy.
Secondly, our son and daughters can live well. For example, when I got $1 million by working, and die, my son and daughter will live happily by these money.

______________

CORRECTION:
 
I think money is the most important thing, and here's why.
 
First, money makes our lives comfortable. For example, when we earn a lot of money, we can do anything we want, and that contributes to our happiness.
 
Secondly, our sons and daughters can live well. For example, if I earn $1 million through work and then pass away, my children will be able to live comfortably using that money.
 
Lastly, some people believe that choosing a job we love will make us happy, but that's not necessarily true. If we choose a job we want but fail, we won’t be stressed by the job itself. Instead, we’ll feel the pressure of financial burdens, like a mortgage or other debts.
________________
 
Explanation of mistakes:
 
"Fiirst" → Corrected to "First" (spelling error).
 
"money makes our life comfortable" → Changed to "money makes our lives comfortable" to match plural usage (referring to both the speaker's life and others' lives).
 
"our son and daughters" → Corrected to "our sons and daughters" for proper plural form.
 
"when I got $1 million by working, and die" → Revised to "if I earn $1 million through work and then pass away" for clarity and proper verb tense.
 
"these money" → Corrected to "that money" for grammatical accuracy. "Money" is uncountable, so "these" is incorrect here.
 
"we will not be stressed of the job" → Changed to "we won’t be stressed by the job" for proper phrasing.
 
"loan for our house" → Adjusted to "mortgage or other debts" for more natural phrasing and to reflect a common financial situation.

수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 5회 10분 24주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 2
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
5517
완료
[79번째 영작 첨삭] Serious
Rachel
Jenica
2023.12.18
5516
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] wow!!!!
doi
Anabelle
2023.12.18
5515
접수
[24번째 영작 첨삭] The fun snow fight
David
-
2023.12.18
5514
완료
[48번째 영작 첨삭] dog cafe
Oliver
-
2023.12.17
5513
완료
[47번째 영작 첨삭] test
Oliver
-
2023.12.17
5512
접수
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Teacher, I have a question
Siha
-
2023.12.17
5511
완료
[78번째 영작 첨삭] Military
Rachel
Jenica
2023.12.15
5510
완료
[46번째 영작 첨삭] movie
Oliver
-
2023.12.15
5509
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] dance
doi
Anabelle
2023.12.15
5508
접수
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Maratang
지예주
-
2023.12.15
5507
완료
[45번째 영작 첨삭] Packed lunch
Oliver
-
2023.12.14
5506
완료
[147번째 영작 첨삭] Hair style
Aiden
Aya
2023.12.14
5505
접수
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Today ' s class Review ???
irene0429
-
2023.12.14
5504
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] 12/11~12 Diary
Min
Mary
2023.12.14
5503
완료
[77번째 영작 첨삭] Retire
Rachel
Jenica
2023.12.13
5502
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] pulling out teeth.×_×
doi
Anabelle
2023.12.13
5501
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] what food I eat for dinner?
Jay
Garlie
2023.12.13
5500
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] what food I eat for dinner?
Jay
Garlie
2023.12.13
5499
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Today
Jack
Gilbert^
2023.12.13
5498
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Today
Jack
Gilbert^
2023.12.13

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침