영작교정
목록
완료

2/14

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.

There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center. The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended. But the person in charge of documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
==================================================================================================================================

Here are the corrections:

  1. Original: There were many things that were required to take the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Corrected: There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation.
    Explanation: "Things that were required" is wordy and unnatural. "Requirements" is a more concise and appropriate term. "To take" was changed to "for taking" to improve readability.

  2. Original: Two days ago, it snowed all day.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is grammatically correct.

  3. Original: My mom and I went to the 3 banks and the community center.
    Corrected: My mom and I went to three banks and the community center.
    Explanation: Numbers below 10 should generally be written in words in formal writing.

  4. Original: The next day we visited the elementary school where I attended.
    Corrected: The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended.
    Explanation: "Where I attended" is incorrect because "attended" already implies a place. "The elementary school I attended" is correct. Also, a comma is needed after "The next day" for better readability.

  5. Original: But the person in charge of documents was on vacation.
    Corrected: However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation.
    Explanation: "But" at the beginning of a sentence is too informal. "However" is a better choice. "In charge of documents" sounds unnatural; "in charge of handling documents" is clearer.

  6. Original: It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents.
    Corrected: ✔ (No correction needed)
    Explanation: This sentence is already correct and clear.

  7. Original: Now I am all ready to apply online next week, and I have to study hard for the exam.
    Corrected: Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.
    Explanation: "All ready" is not incorrect, but "fully prepared" sounds more natural in a formal context. "Have to" was changed to "need to" for a slightly more formal tone.


Revised Text

There were many requirements for taking the national exam for elementary school graduation. Two days ago, it snowed all day. My mom and I went to three banks and the community center. The next day, we visited the elementary school I attended. However, the person in charge of handling documents was on vacation. It wasn't until the next afternoon that I was able to receive the school documents. Now, I am fully prepared to apply online next week, and I need to study hard for the exam.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 10분 24주
튜터
Anna
교재
Hand in Hand 4
[주니어] 정규
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
253
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] 2015-06-23
KIM YU HEE
-
2015.06.23
252
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] workshop
jiyeon lee
-
2015.06.23
251
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] I met my friend
jiyeon lee
-
2015.06.23
250
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] After 1 month
RYU
-
2015.06.23
249
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] one language
sunny
-
2015.06.22
248
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] on-line communication
sunny
-
2015.06.22
247
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Lesson 1. 5~8 question
Sinae Kim
-
2015.06.19
246
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] Advertising
sunny
-
2015.06.18
245
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] diary
jiyeon lee
-
2015.06.18
244
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] Back to normal day
RYU
-
2015.06.18
243
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] English
sunny
-
2015.06.16
242
완료
[9번째 영작 첨삭] Gloomy Day
RYU
-
2015.06.16
241
완료
[7번째 영작 첨삭] question
KOKANGMIN
-
2015.06.15
240
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] to my teacher:)
sunyoung you
-
2015.06.15
239
완료
[8번째 영작 첨삭] Monday
RYU
-
2015.06.15
238
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] 20150614
min
-
2015.06.14
237
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Introduction
Jane
-
2015.06.12
236
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] what do you think you will be able to do in English in the future?
sunny
-
2015.06.12
235
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] travel
jiyeon lee
-
2015.06.11
234
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] 20150610 /Wendsday
Jane
-
2015.06.10

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침