By: Bombom Kim
I think reading books is better than watching smart phones. When we read books it will make us smarter because of knowledge and useful information. For instance, children can learn every subjects because there has many types and genre of books. However, when we watch smart phones, we can’t be smarter because smart phones don’t have many knowledge than books. Also, children can do something else that can harm kids’s brain by watching YouTube videos , chatting with friends.
By: Bombom Kim
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Revised Argument:
I think reading books is better than watching smartphones. When we read books, it makes us smarter because we gain knowledge and useful information. For instance, children can learn about every subject because there are many types and genres of books. However, when we watch smartphones, we can’t become smarter because smartphones don’t provide as much knowledge as books. Also, children can engage in activities that may harm their brains by watching YouTube videos or chatting with friends.
Explanation of Corrections:
- "smart phones" to "smartphones": Combined the words for correct spelling.
- "it will make us smarter" to "it makes us smarter": Changed to present tense for consistency.
- "there has many types and genre" to "there are many types and genres": Corrected verb form and made "genre" plural.
- "smart phones don’t have many knowledge" to "smartphones don’t provide as much knowledge": Changed wording for clarity and correctness.
- "kids’s brain" to "their brains": Corrected possessive form and made it plural for clarity.
- "can do something else that can harm" to "can engage in activities that may harm": Improved wording for clarity and formality.
