영작교정
목록
완료

1

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

_____________________________________________

Corrected Version

I think fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Here’s why: First, showing calorie information could hurt sales. Many people are sensitive to calories and may be shocked by how many calories are in the food. They may choose not to eat anything and leave the restaurant. If this keeps happening, fast food restaurants could lose money and even close down.

Suggestions to Make it Stronger

  1. Add facts or research: You could include studies or examples that show how showing calorie counts hurt sales. For example, “A study found that restaurants with calorie counts saw a drop in customers by [X]%."

  2. Talk about choices: Mention that people already know fast food is high in calories and should be able to make their own decisions.

  3. Acknowledge the other side: You could briefly mention that calorie counts might help some people but then explain how it can hurt businesses.

_________________________________

Here’s a stronger version with these ideas:

Stronger Version for Debate
I believe fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Studies show that when calorie information is displayed, people are often shocked by the high numbers. Many customers, especially those who care about calories, may leave without buying anything. This could cause restaurants to lose money and even close down. People already know fast food can be high in calories, so they should be free to enjoy their meal without being reminded of it.

Let me know if you need anything else!


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 5회 10분 24주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 2
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
5696
완료
[26번째 영작 첨삭] I don`t have many homework
Jay
Garlie
2024.01.29
5695
접수
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Playgroud
Mia
-
2024.01.29
5694
완료
[28번째 영작 첨삭] ? at home...?(⊙_⊙)?
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.29
5693
완료
[24번째 영작 첨삭] Very good day
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.29
5692
완료
[29번째 영작 첨삭] My mom
David
Rainbow
2024.01.28
5691
완료
[28번째 영작 첨삭] My dad
David
Rainbow
2024.01.28
5690
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Heart in sanfransisco
alvin
Jeanna
2024.01.27
5689
완료
[36번째 영작 첨삭] I decided to go out
stellar
Lin
2024.01.27
5688
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] Monopoly
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.26
5687
완료
[27번째 영작 첨삭] Dog man comic
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.26
5686
접수
[63번째 영작 첨삭] Fishing
Oliver
-
2024.01.26
5685
접수
[2번째 영작 첨삭] my schedule
Emily
-
2024.01.25
5684
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 테스트!
serena
[TEST] Olivia
2024.01.25
5683
완료
[62번째 영작 첨삭] Completing cube
Oliver
Hyenna
2024.01.25
5682
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] Grandma's house
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.24
5681
완료
[25번째 영작 첨삭] I can`t wait
Jay
Garlie
2024.01.24
5680
완료
[26번째 영작 첨삭] making things
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.24
5679
접수
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Character
Abigail
-
2024.01.24
5678
완료
[21번째 영작 첨삭] I am expecting
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.23
5677
완료
[20번째 영작 첨삭] I am expecting
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.23

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침