영작교정
목록
완료

1

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

I think fast food chains should not post the calories. And here’s why. Firstly, posting color counts may decrease income. For example, people who are sensitive to calories and they will be surprised by the high calories listed on the menu. So they will not eat anything and they will just get out and eat somewhere else. If this situation continues, then fast food restaurant will be closed.

_____________________________________________

Corrected Version

I think fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Here’s why: First, showing calorie information could hurt sales. Many people are sensitive to calories and may be shocked by how many calories are in the food. They may choose not to eat anything and leave the restaurant. If this keeps happening, fast food restaurants could lose money and even close down.

Suggestions to Make it Stronger

  1. Add facts or research: You could include studies or examples that show how showing calorie counts hurt sales. For example, “A study found that restaurants with calorie counts saw a drop in customers by [X]%."

  2. Talk about choices: Mention that people already know fast food is high in calories and should be able to make their own decisions.

  3. Acknowledge the other side: You could briefly mention that calorie counts might help some people but then explain how it can hurt businesses.

_________________________________

Here’s a stronger version with these ideas:

Stronger Version for Debate
I believe fast food chains should not show calorie counts on their menus. Studies show that when calorie information is displayed, people are often shocked by the high numbers. Many customers, especially those who care about calories, may leave without buying anything. This could cause restaurants to lose money and even close down. People already know fast food can be high in calories, so they should be free to enjoy their meal without being reminded of it.

Let me know if you need anything else!


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 5회 10분 24주
튜터
Edleth
교재
Debate Pro Junior 2
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
6954
완료
[231번째 영작 첨삭] Hotel
Oliver
Frans
2025.03.02
6953
완료
[230번째 영작 첨삭] Hotel
Oliver
Frans
2025.03.02
6952
완료
[229번째 영작 첨삭] Hotel
Oliver
Frans
2025.03.02
6951
완료
[228번째 영작 첨삭] Watching soccer at the stadium
Oliver
Frans
2025.03.02
6950
완료
[227번째 영작 첨삭] Watching soccer at the stadium
Oliver
Frans
2025.03.02
6949
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] happyest day
Jin
Gie
2025.03.01
6948
완료
[51번째 영작 첨삭] My memorable travel.
JiHu
Gresha
2025.02.28
6947
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] Go camping with my familiy
jung won Jo
Sera
2025.02.28
6946
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] Nothing special
Aaron
Heanna
2025.02.28
6945
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] sorry
Yeoni
Moona
2025.02.27
6944
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] The recording
강주은
Marie
2025.02.27
6943
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] Time is to fast
Aaron
Heanna
2025.02.26
6942
완료
[66번째 영작 첨삭] Diary
Yoon
Anna
2025.02.26
6941
완료
[53번째 영작 첨삭] 2/20
Min
Anna
2025.02.26
6940
완료
[65번째 영작 첨삭] Diary
Yoon
Anna
2025.02.25
6939
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] School Uniforms
Bombom Kim
Edleth
2025.02.24
6938
완료
[226번째 영작 첨삭] Giving mom a massage
Oliver
Frans
2025.02.24
6937
완료
[225번째 영작 첨삭] Aunt's house
Oliver
Frans
2025.02.24
6936
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] play game with friend
Terry
Joel
2025.02.24
6935
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] My injured lips
강주은
Marie
2025.02.23

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침