영어 첨삭 2

As the migration of the population between countries became active, the inflow of foreigners has greatly increased in Korea. The number of foreigners registered in Korea, which was about 240,000 in 2000, increased to 1.14 million in 2015.
By nationality, the number of Korean-Chinese is the highest at 380,000, and the number of non-Korean-Chinese is the second highest at 128,000.

As the migration of the population between countries became active, the inflow of foreigners has greatly increased in Korea. In the year of 2000, the number of foreigners registered in Korea was about 240,000 which increased to 1.14 million in  the year of 2015.Wherein, by nationality, the number of Korean-Chinese is the highest at 380,000 to be followed by the number of non-Korean-Chinese at 128,000.