영작교정
목록
완료

It's writing Task 2. Please edit it Maribel.

In this argument, I will discuss both views and explain my personal view of "who will be pay for the cost to support the old".
People who believe that the government should play for the money to support old people have valid reasons for saying so.
First, It will be possible for them to make their communities to communicate each other if the government spends the cost and recommends the opportunity to make a conversation among them.
Second, the supporters of this argue that It's one of the government's duties to support the old. because they think that the government isn't non-profit organization compared to the corporations.
on the other hand, there are those who think that the family with the old has to pay for the money to support them.
They think so because it is impossible for the government to support the old people in the country and some people disagree the idea that the government has to support the old by using the tax. However, In the event that It would occur, The tax burdens will increase to support the old people.
Considering the views above, I believe that the government should support the old by using their money. the reason why I argue like this is we should consider social cost which means spending the money for the old people by using the government's money is the best way to reduce social conflicts.
In conclusion whether the family has to pay for the money or not, It would be a great decision to reduce the social conflicts only.

In this argument, I will discuss both views and explain my personal view of "who will be pay for the cost to support the old".
People who believe that the government should play for the money to support old people have valid reasons for saying so.
First, It will be possible for them to make their communities to communicate each other if the government spends the cost and recommends the opportunity to make a conversation among them.
Second, the supporters of this argue that It's one of the government's duties to support the old. because they think that the government isn't non-profit organization compared to the corporations.
on the other hand, there are those who think that the family with the old has to pay for the money to support them.
They think so because it is impossible for the government to support the old people in the country and some people disagree the idea that the government has to support the old by using the tax. However, In the event that It would occur, The tax burdens will increase to support the old people.
Considering the views above, I believe that the government should support the old by using their money. the reason why I argue like this is we should consider social cost which means spending the money for the old people by using the government's money is the best way to reduce social conflicts.
In conclusion whether the family has to pay for the money or not, It would be a great decision to reduce the social conflicts only.

Hi Kevin, please do not forget to state the question(s) in your compositions so that I will be able to provide you with the corrections and maybe change some vocabulary to make your response more substantial.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 3회 10분 4주
튜터
Maribel
교재
Express Yourself 1 (Senior Course)
[시니어] 프리토킹
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
5099
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] home work "My speech"
Jacob
-
2023.09.10
5098
완료
[149번째 영작 첨삭] 2023.09.10 diary
Aileen
Rose
2023.09.10
5097
완료
[16번째 영작 첨삭] catching bug
Oliver
-
2023.09.10
5096
완료
[148번째 영작 첨삭] Kidzania
Aileen
Rose
2023.09.10
5095
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite comedian
Ryan
Cindy
2023.09.10
5094
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite superhero
Ryan
Cindy
2023.09.09
5093
완료
[39번째 영작 첨삭] English academy
Aiden
Albie
2023.09.09
5092
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] Dairy 2
Hanna
Cha
2023.09.09
5091
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Diary 1
Hanna
Cha
2023.09.09
5090
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] My goal in this year
배유경
-
2023.09.09
5089
완료
[18번째 영작 첨삭] A shot what makes me grow tall
Foster
Camille
2023.09.09
5088
완료
[48번째 영작 첨삭] Baking a cake
Rachel
Tessa%
2023.09.08
5087
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Textbook Inquiry
clara
April
2023.09.08
5086
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] Suvival swimming
Oliver
-
2023.09.08
5085
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Busy Day
Min Seo Oh
-
2023.09.08
5084
완료
[40번째 영작 첨삭] Field experience learning
Christina
Mary Grace
2023.09.07
5083
완료
[14번째 영작 첨삭] piano
Oliver
-
2023.09.07
5082
완료
[13번째 영작 첨삭] jeju
Oliver
-
2023.09.07
5081
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] I have to practice my speech.
jasmine
Cha
2023.09.07
5080
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Nice day
Luke
Kristel
2023.09.07

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침