영작교정
목록
완료

Korea to End Shutdown Law

1. I agree with to end shutdown laws.

2. Because, game user who is a buisness man, that people will play games late at night.

3. And when the shutdown laws were implemented, the game companies will harm damage
.
4. And this law can violate human rights.

5. I don't know well about this law, but If I winning in game,but computer is off, I think I'll be angry.

6. So I'm not sure if I'll stop addicition.

7. Without this law, it maybe dangerous because it may not be able to control it, but if this law continues, many people with anger control disorders will increase.

8. And I think development of the Korean computer industry will be later than other countries.

9. Instead remove this law, proper computer use education should be emphasized.

10. I hope that Korea will be free from computer activities.

1. I agree with the decision to end the Shutdown Law.

2. It's because the gaming industry is a business, where people would end up spending a lot of money in purchasing games and getting
    addicted with them.

3. When the Shutdown Law was implemented, the game companies put others to harm.
.
4. This law can really violate human rights.

5. I don't know well about this law, but at an instance when I am winning in particular game, then the computer would suddenly turn off, I 
    think I'll get angry.

6. So, I'm not sure if I could control my addicition.

7. Without this law, it might be dangerous because it won't be able to control the ongoing problems, but if this law continues, cases of
    anger disorders might increase. 

8. I also think development of the Korean computer industry will be delayed compared to other countries.

9. Removing this law and better computer use education should rather be done.

10. I hope in the near future, Korea will be free from harmful computer activities.


수강정보
필리핀 전화영어 주 2회 30분 4주
교재
Debate Pro Junior 1
[주니어] 토론·토의
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
1939
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] Need to lose weight
Amy
-
2021.04.15
1938
완료
[96번째 영작 첨삭] My dairy
sukyung Kim
Melissa
2021.04.14
1937
완료
[19번째 영작 첨삭] About my favorite day(1)
Hangyeol Lee (Christian)
Mary
2021.04.14
1936
완료
[12번째 영작 첨삭] My diary
Zoe
Mary
2021.04.14
1935
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] Think about a time when you were alone.
Leo
-
2021.04.13
1934
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 라디오 공익방송
miae kim
-
2021.04.13
1933
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] Coffee
Amy
-
2021.04.13
1932
접수
[95번째 영작 첨삭] My diary
sukyung Kim
-
2021.04.12
1931
완료
[18번째 영작 첨삭] About hamburgers and sandwiches
Hangyeol Lee (Christian)
Mary
2021.04.12
1930
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] Great weekend
Maureen
-
2021.04.12
1929
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] My school.
Joey
-
2021.04.11
1928
완료
[5번째 영작 첨삭] My clothes
Joey
-
2021.04.10
1927
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite songs.
Joey
-
2021.04.10
1926
완료
[17번째 영작 첨삭] About my hobbies
Hangyeol Lee (Christian)
Mary
2021.04.10
1925
완료
[18번째 영작 첨삭] My favorite toys
Yumin
-
2021.04.09
1924
완료
[17번째 영작 첨삭] Should kids like you have an allowance
Yumin
-
2021.04.08
1923
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] My diary
Zoe
Mary
2021.04.08
1922
완료
[94번째 영작 첨삭] my diary
sukyung Kim
Melissa
2021.04.08
1921
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Where I live. . .
Amy
-
2021.04.08
1920
완료
[2번째 영작 첨삭] My day
-
-
2021.04.07

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침