First, there's a teenagers that everyday is busy.
They cannot have a freetime.
So I think they can use midnight to feel their freetime.
Second, lots of teenagers dream to be a gamer.
Gamer is a great job too.
They can learn hand's muscle power and many plan.
But 'shutdown law' makes teenagers cannot do this all.
I know the game's toxicity is very strong.
But for teenagers, I think free is more helpful than just studing.
*************************************************************************
Hello Logan
You've made an interesting composition about a serious issue we are facing nowadays.
I commend your direct approach and you applied what you have learned in our classes about the parts of a debate. Your key phrases are present and used correctly. You also used COUNTER ARGUMENT whcih is very impressive. Well done
However I do not recall giving you this homework.
Anyway, here is my revision and corrections.
*************************************************************************
I think 'shutdown law' isn't good for teenagers.
First, there's a teenagers that everyday is busy.
-> First, there are [many] there is [one]
->Correctl: First, Teenagers are busy everyday [generally speaking]
They cannot have a freetime.
So I think they can use midnight to feel their freetime.
-> I think they only have free time late in the evening.
Second, lots of teenagers dream to be a gamer.
Gamer is a great job too.
They can learn hand's muscle power and many plan.
But 'shutdown law' makes teenagers cannot do this all.
I know the game's toxicity is very strong.
But for teenagers, I think free is more helpful than just studing.
