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Jick. Please edit my Cover Letter. Thanks.

HR Representative
Recruiting Manager
Gangseo-gu, Seoul
5th Aug 2020

Dear Recruiting Manager.

With my background at MBA degree and my Business knowledge, I have driven into the good results in terms of financial audit conducted by central government in Vietnam. It resulted to sustainable relationships between the company and authorities. Based on my experience and knowledge I highly believe that I am suitable to apply as HR Representative at TESLA you advertised.

My achievements include that
- I’ve finished the financial audit with Vietnamese central government. It was mandatory to finish it without causing any trouble with them. If not, the company would pay for the fine to the government.
- I had participated in the program of setting new payroll and incentive system for Vietnamese workers. As this issue was discussed with Labor Union, I had contributed to finish it well.
- As a member of Customer Service department, I had persuaded the member to join the company even she refused our offer due to her children. Since it was the request from the buyer, It should be done accordingly.
I’m sure that this experience and knowledge will be helpful to improve your company’s performance. I would like to request a meeting with you in person as soon as possible.

Thanks for your consideration

Sincerely
Park.

Hi!

Kevin please follow and remember these corrections.

 

 

HR Representative
Recruiting Manager
Gangseo-gu, Seoul
5th Aug 2020

Dear Recruiting Manager, [Put comma not period]

With my background at MBA degree and my Business knowledge, I have driven into the good results in terms of financial audit conducted by central government in Vietnam. It resulted to [wrong preposition] it should be> in sustainable relationships between the company and authorities. Based on my experience and knowledge I highly believe that I am suitable to apply as HR Representative at TESLA you advertised.

My achievements include that
- I’ve finished the financial audit with Vietnamese central government. It was mandatory to finish it without causing any trouble with them. If not, the company would pay for the fine to the government.
- I had participated in the program of [Wrong preposition> by] setting new payroll and incentive system for Vietnamese workers. As this issue was discussed with ["a"an"omission af an indefinite] it should be > a Labor Union, I had contributed to finish it well.
- As a member of Customer Service department, I had persuaded the member to join the company even she refused our offer due to her children. Since it was the request from [wrong preposition] it should be> of the buyer, It should be done accordingly.
I’m sure that this experience and knowledge will be helpful to improve your company’s performance. I would like to request a meeting with you in person as soon as possible.

Thanks for your consideration

Sincerely, [Put comma not period]
Park


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