영작교정
목록
완료

I have a big plan.

I have a big plan!
If all goes well,I will have a green card in four years.
I plan to have a green card.
To this, there are so many things to do.
First of all, I have to get a master's degree and write at least two papers.
I should attend training related to my major and prepare proof materials that can help American society.
I have been working in IT. My main career is S/W engineering.
For example I have been managed quality of S/W in Robot,Health care system and so on.
These my career and various experiences are helpful to get a green card.

The reason to get a green card is for my daughter.
In Korea, the competition for education is terrible.
Korean students have to study a lot of time to enter the famous(good) university.
They become to be tired of study and even hate it.
they don't study for their dream but also to enter the university.
It's very wasteful both teenager and their parents.

I hope my daughter studies in a more flexible society that gives her more opportunities.
If I get a green card,she can stay to study in U.S.A.
I will make steady efforts for it.
Pleas wish me luck.

              I have a big plan! I plan to have a green card. If all goes well, I will have it in four years. Through this, there are a lot of things that I can do. First of all, I have to get a master's degree and write atleast two papers. I should attend trainings related to my major and prepare proof materials that can help American society. 

              I have been working in IT and my main career is S/W Engineering. For example, I manage quality of S/W in Robotics, Health Care System and so on. These are some of my experiences in my career that are going to be helpful to have a green card.

             The reason why I want to have a green card is for my daughter. In Korea, the competition for education is terrible. Korean students have to study hard to enter famous or good university. They get tired studying and they even start hating it. They don't only study for their dreams, but also to be able to enter the university. It's a waste for both teenagers and their parents. 

            I hope that my daughter studies in a more flexible society. that will give her more opportunities. If I have a green card, she can stay and study in the USA and I will make efforts for it to happen. Please wish me luck.

---------------------------------------------

            Hello! Your plan is really nice and I hope that you can a green card for your daughter's future. Education system in really different from other countries and I admire you for not pressuring your daughter to study hard, instead you want her to enjoy life which is really good for her. As she studies, you also want her to have time for herself and enjoy life. I wish you luck for your green card application.

            With regards to your writing, you have describle clearly, however you need to sequence your sentences( arrange your sentences), so the reader won't be confused with what you want them to know or understand. Please see the corrections I have made on your writing.

 

- KATH 

 


수강정보
필리핀 화상영어 주 3회 30분 4주
교재
Let's Go 1 (5th edition)
번호
제목
작성자
튜터
작성일
5659
완료
[24번째 영작 첨삭] I'm confused
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.19
5658
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] I`m feeling very tired today.
Jay
Garlie
2024.01.19
5657
접수
[58번째 영작 첨삭] Playing with cube
Oliver
-
2024.01.18
5656
접수
[2번째 영작 첨삭] my family
sally
-
2024.01.18
5655
완료
[35번째 영작 첨삭] my shoes
stellar
Lin
2024.01.18
5654
완료
[86번째 영작 첨삭] Appearance (2)
Rachel
Jenica
2024.01.17
5653
완료
[23번째 영작 첨삭] !!
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.17
5652
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] I like math
Jay
Garlie
2024.01.17
5651
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] 오락실
Sunny
Melissa
2024.01.17
5650
완료
[1번째 영작 첨삭] Sorry Sunny
Jaden
Melissa
2024.01.17
5649
완료
[4번째 영작 첨삭] My life as an librarian2.
Olivia
Cindy
2024.01.16
5648
완료
[6번째 영작 첨삭] 24.01.13
Min
Mary
2024.01.16
5647
완료
[34번째 영작 첨삭] I still have regrets about it
stellar
Lin
2024.01.16
5646
완료
[33번째 영작 첨삭] losing my mind
stellar
Lin
2024.01.16
5645
완료
[85번째 영작 첨삭] Appearance
Rachel
Jenica
2024.01.15
5644
완료
[22번째 영작 첨삭] D.H
doi
Anabelle
2024.01.15
5643
완료
[11번째 영작 첨삭] Mint Chocolate
Dohee
Malou
2024.01.15
5642
완료
[10번째 영작 첨삭] Pineapple pizza
Dohee
Malou
2024.01.15
5641
완료
[15번째 영작 첨삭] A best day
Woohyun Kim
Teya
2024.01.15
5640
완료
[3번째 영작 첨삭] My life as an librarian.
Olivia
Cindy
2024.01.15

초대한 친구가 수업을 등록하면
무료 수업 1회를 드려요!

무료 수업 1회
초대한 친구가 회원 가입 및 수강권 결제 후 수업을 등록하면
두 사람 모두 무료 수업 1회 수강권을 받아요!
Step 01. 조이영어로 친구를 초대해 보세요!
https://joy05.co.kr
Step 02. 인증하기
초대한 친구가 수업 등록을 완료하면, 고객센터로 수업을 등록한 친구의 '아이디' 또는 '이름 + 휴대폰 번호 뒷자리'를 남겨주세요!
*자녀 혹은 학부모 이름으로 가입하신 경우, 실제 회원가입하신 수강생 이름으로 적어주세요!
Ex. 친구 아이디: joy5205 / 친구 이름: 김조이, 9876
Step 03. 혜택받기
고객센터를 통해 인증하신 내용이 확인되면, 혜택을 적용해드립니다!

Zoom 화상수업 가이드

1. Zoom 설치하기
아래 링크에 접속하여 Zoom 프로그램을 설치합니다.
2. 수강실 입장하기
1) 조이영어 홈페이지 로그인 후 강의실에서 [수강실 입장] 버튼을 클릭해주세요.
2) 버튼을 누르고 Zoom 프로그램 열기 허용 → 컴퓨터 오디오로 참가를 누르면 튜터와 연결됩니다.
3. Zoom 이용에 다른 문의사항이 있으신가요?
조이영어 학습매니저에게 연락주시면 수업에 관련된 문의사항을 친절히 상담해드리겠습니다.
  • 카카오톡 상담 채널 : @조이영어
  • 조이영어 고객센터 : 1899-8695 (운영시간 : 월~금 9:00~17:30)

이용약관

개인정보취급방침